How to turn your disappointment into data

You’ve returned to your office after the presentation. Or, you’ve just walked off the stage. Your thoughts are spiraling with everything that went poorly, and heat rises in your chest. You forgot an important point. You will probably get sidelined. You are a horrible speaker. You are embarrassed to show up tomorrow. 

The problem is when we prioritize the negative, we miss seeing with objectivity. There’s no upside to this habit of beating ourselves up. It clouds our view and limits progress. 

When we can intentionally shift our disappointment into data, we will improve our future results.

How do we do this?

The minute you launch an attack on yourself and your worth after an event that leaves you feeling disappointed or dejected, take a pause. It’s important to note what thoughts are immediately surfacing. If you devote time to building this practice, eventually you will discover patterns keeping you stuck - especially ones that may be surprising. You also want to tap into your body to feel the feelings. Embrace them. Pushing them away will just cause them to escalate in the future.

After this pause, take a few minutes to write down your answer the following questions:

1. What worked well? 

List everything that you were able to accomplish. Did you make eye contact? Did you prepare well in advance? Did people come up afterward to introduce themselves or ask questions? It’s important to note the good stuff first. You want to train your brain to immediately go to the things that worked, so you can remember them for future events and bolster your self-confidence. It also offers you a chance to appreciate how far you’ve come. If you’re giving an annual review for an employee, you would always begin on a positive note to make sure this feedback is heard. Do the same for yourself.

2. What did not work well? 

Did you have trouble answering a question? Did you go over time? Did you stumble on pronunciation? The most important thing to remember is this is not an open invitation to beat yourself up. You should list things that are as factual as possible because it gives you a starting place to improve. “I have a terrible voice,” is not constructive. Adding more positive frame will allow your brain to dwell in possibility. You can turn “My voice could radiate more confidence” into an action item on your calendar: “Do 3 sessions with a voice coach.” 

3. What will I do differently next time? 

Will you take 5 minutes prior to center yourself? Will you reach out to the organizers to see who will be in attendance? Will you change the framework you use in presentations? Be as concrete as possible. This is also a good place to note new ideas you want to test to see if there’s an improvement. Will you create a handout? Will you try a new opening story?

Why you should write by hand

When you’re finished, be sure to note the date and event and put it in a file for future reference. I personally like doing this exercise by hand because research shows that the brain can recall and use information more readily by hand than by using a computer. You can always upload the answers to a spreadsheet. The point is to actually get the data down, and to use it. 

Use this tool in any area of your life

Try using this technique in any area of your life that needs improvement. It can cultivate valuable data in both your professional and personal life. Use it to track interviews or discovery calls - no matter the results. You can track how you’re showing up for family visits that leave you drained. 

By continually evaluating your work you build a personalized tool. One that helps to improve your future results, but also helps you look back and appreciate how far you’ve come along!

Let me know how it goes - and if you’ve put your own spin on it. 

Photo by Hello I'm Nik on Unsplash